The Fight

I have fought with major depression for as long as I can remember and today it's hitting me full force. The last few weeks I've been having problems with my anxiety and anger especially with my daughter. It's not like I've hurt her, it's just I hear her talking (she is really loud), she doesn't listen or she gets in my face and I can't handle it. I have anxiety medicine but I hate having to rely on medicine so that I can be a normal person.

I see all these parents who are patient, loving, kind and I'm so jealous. Sometimes I'm that way but for the most part I'm not. I don't know what to do anymore...

I have prayed, I read the bible everyday and it helps, but I guess I need a little more help. I have been off of my medications for my depression for awhile now, but I can see that it's time to start them again. It makes me sad that I can't function without medication, but it's what's best for me and my family. I love my daughter with all my heart and I feel like such a failure of a mom for having these problems. My mom was never like this and I feel like I should be just like her. She loved having kids and no matter what was going on in her life she loved us and never got so angry or anxious with us.

I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, but that's really hard to do. I just hope Erin doesn't grow up to despise me because of my problems. I know that at 4 yrs old she already has had to deal with so much from me and I feel so guilty for that.

Sorry this isn't about weight loss but it's all a process and everything ties in with each other. Here's to healthy choices!!! I love you Erin!!