Thursday, March 31, 2011


So after yesterday's heavy topic I decided  to just have a fun post!! But, first I want to thank everyone for their words of encouragement!! You truly don't know how much it means to me, so thanks!

I really don't know what to post about so I think I'll do a confession!! Confessions are always fun to do and read!! I'm willing to confess that I hate, hate water!! I know huge right? I drink it every day and always tell people to drink their water, but the thought of drinking it makes me sick. I know what your thinking our bodies naturally need water, well I'm a fat girl and my body needs pop not water!!

I will also confess that I love pie, I would say at least once a week I ask Becca to go get pie with me. Thankfully, she is an awesome best friend and tells me no. I ask her on purpose so she tells me no!! I know there's others that are totally supportive of this journey, but love pie too so they won't tell me no!!

Well happy Thursday and here's to healthy choices!!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Fight

I have fought with major depression for as long as I can remember and today it's hitting me full force. The last few weeks I've been having problems with my anxiety and anger especially with my daughter. It's not like I've hurt her, it's just I hear her talking (she is really loud), she doesn't listen or she gets in my face and I can't handle it. I have anxiety medicine but I hate having to rely on medicine so that I can be a normal person.

I see all these parents who are patient, loving, kind and I'm so jealous. Sometimes I'm that way but for the most part I'm not. I don't know what to do anymore...

I have prayed, I read the bible everyday and it helps, but I guess I need a little more help. I have been off of my medications for my depression for awhile now, but I can see that it's time to start them again. It makes me sad that I can't function without medication, but it's what's best for me and my family. I love my daughter with all my heart and I feel like such a failure of a mom for having these problems. My mom was never like this and I feel like I should be just like her. She loved having kids and no matter what was going on in her life she loved us and never got so angry or anxious with us.

I know I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else, but that's really hard to do. I just hope Erin doesn't grow up to despise me because of my problems. I know that at 4 yrs old she already has had to deal with so much from me and I feel so guilty for that.

Sorry this isn't about weight loss but it's all a process and everything ties in with each other. Here's to healthy choices!!! I love you Erin!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Enjoy the Day!!

Weekly weigh-in 251.6  -2lbs!! Total of 5.6 lbs this month!! I met my goal of losing 5 lbs a month!!

I had a great weekend, we took our daughter to see the monster trucks in Eugene. She had so much fun!! Joe and I both love going to see them so it was wonderful to take our daughter with us. She loved Gravedigger and the "orange one"!! Orange is her favorite color :)

Sunday I went to church and the message was very heavy. I'm glad that I was there to hear it, but it was one of those messages that you walk away from happy, scared, sad just all sorts of emotions. I ended up with a migraine that evening and have been dealing with that since. NO, I don't think it caused from church!! :)

Today I'm headed to the cemetery to go visit my mom, that sounds weird but I don't know how else to word it. I haven't been there in a while so I think it's time. I talk to her on a daily basis, but sometimes I just need to go to her grave. It's really hard to do but it's something I feel like I need to do.

So needless to say today isn't the best day, but life goes on and it's taken me a long time to get to the point where I can say that. I miss her everyday and to this day I catch myself trying to call her or just wishing I could hear her one last time or just see her smile. I've started talking with Erin about her grandma and that she is in heaven and I truly believe that this has helped me in the healing process. I'm not sure I will ever get over the fact that my mom is gone, but I know that I will be able to not be so sad about it. Sometimes it feels like it just happened but yet sometimes I feel as though it's been years. I guess it's just the grieving process.

I just ask you to make sure that the people in your life know how much you care about them and enjoy every second of the day because you never know what God has planned for you. God Bless and here's to healthy choices!!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

My new gear

Guess what I got in the mail this weekend? My t-shirt from Running For Him!! I finally was able to wear it today!!
The front and my daughter!!

The back!!

I absolutely love it, go check out the website!! I walk 1.8 miles today in about 40 minutes  and it felt wonderful!!! It's a lot easier walking when you have a friend walking with you, it didn't even feel like we walked that long. Thanks Julie!!! I'm looking forward to working up to walking a 5k!!

I have set a new goal for me. I would like to be in a size 16 by August. One of my best friends is getting married in August so I would like to be able to fit into one of my skirts that I have. It's great motivation, I have the skirt I want to wear laying out so everyday I see it and it reminds me of my goal.

Happy TGIF!!! Here's to healthy choices!!!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


So I really don't have much to say so I thought I would do a post about wacky things about me.

1. I eat food by two's and by color
2. My toe next to my big toe is longer then my big toe
3. I pronounce the t in mountain dew
4. I always get the urge to open the car door while driving
5. I have opened the door while driving
6. I eat my Big Mac's layer by layer
7. I pick all my food apart
8. I hate odd numbers, but my favorite numbers are 7 &13
9. I say mortorcycle instead of motorcycle
10. I always dream about death

So what are some wacky things about you? Here's to healthy choices!!!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Change of Plans!!

Weigh in: 253.6 -.7!! Woohoo!!

My husband and I had a wonderful mini vacation despite not doing everything we had planned. So on Thursday we headed to the coast and it was a non eventful trip there. We found our hotel and decided that we wanted to go down to the boardwalk. Well, after we walked around for a little while we got in the car and our power steering light went on and we lost the power steering. My husband turned it off and restarted it hoping that would reset it, but that lasted for like 30 seconds. So we took it to the dealership and the service department was closed.

We went back to the hotel ordered pizza and just relaxed for the evening! Got to get into the hot tub and the pool, man did that feel good, so in the morning my husband took the car back to the dealership and they said they couldn't help him. So we had to come home that day. :(

We still had an awesome weekend just the two of us!! We went shopping and just hung out!! Our daughter had a great time with the family, but she hasn't stopped talking since we picked her up on Sunday :) I think she is making up for the four days we were away!!!

I was dreading getting on the scale today since I didn't think I did so good, but apparently I'm more aware of what I'm eating then I thought!! So I'll take the .7!!!

Hope everybody is having a good Tuesday and here's to healthy choices!!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Here comes the bride!!!

I was up most of the night with knee pain and when I finally fell asleep it was for just a couple of hours. When I got up I felt pretty good, but a couple of hours later I ended up with a migraine. Needless to say I have been in bed most of the day. Got a lot to do before tomorrow so time to suck it up.

On a better note, I just found out my sister is getting married tomorrow!! YAY!! She lives in North Carolina so, of course, we won't be there, but I'm so happy for her!! She is getting married on St. Patrick's day, which is cool because our maiden name is Lucky!! And my anniversary is on the 19th so it's just really cool.

Time to go clean house and pack!! Have a great week and weekend!! Here's to healthy choices!! Congrats to Kendra and Jr!!! Love you guys!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Here's to me!!!

Weigh in 264.3 -1.1, you know what that means? I did it 10.6 lost so far since February 1st!! Woohoo!! I'm so happy, I thought for sure I was going to gain this week.

Me 10 lbs lighter!!

I went for a walk today with my new pedometer, love it. I walked .91 of a mile and took 2380 steps. Pretty happy with that. Can't say my knee is happy with me but doing lots of ice and ibuprofen.

Happy Tuesday and here's to healthy choices!!

Monday, March 14, 2011


The weekends are horrible. I eat whatever I want and rationalize it to myself.

fat self: "Oh it's the weekend"
brain: "but you've done so good this week"
fat self: "I know but I don't get to eat Chinese food very often or I'm doing something with my friends I shouldn't have to eat a salad while they eat whatever they want."
brain: "Don't you want to be healthy, be happy with yourself, lose that .5 lbs to get to 10 lbs lost"
fat self: "oh just shut up I can eat whatever I want"

Consequently I'm stressing about weigh-in tomorrow. I know I probably gained back everything I lost last weekend and on Thursday I'm going on a mini vacation. I'm so stressed about my choices this coming weekend and don't want to ruin our weekend worrying so much on making the right choice.

This healthy lifestyle thing is so much harder than I thought it would be. I was doing so good and now I feel as though I have it a brick wall. I feel like I'm letting myself down, my daughter, my husband and everyone who is supporting me. I hate letting other people down. Maybe that's the problem maybe I should hate letting myself down more than I hate letting other people down. Ultimately who is this going to affect more me or everyone else. It's ME!! I guess I just need to do my Whys again and just remind myself why I started this journey and why it's gonna be so worth it!! Oh by the way I've started crocheting again and that is helping with my snacking. My hands and brain are keeping busy so I don't have time or the urge to snack!!

Well I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a great week!! I'm so looking forward to Thursday and just reconnecting with my husband.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

WAH!!! But I want to!!

I took my daughter to the Dr. on Wednesday and while we were there I asked about my knee. My Dr said that I can't run right now and just to focus on walking. I am pretty bummed out about it as I was actually excited to run!! But, that's okay as long as I'm doing something I should be happy.

My knee is still hurting pretty bad. The Dr told me to ice it, take ibuprofen, wear a brace if I feel like I need the support and to just take it easy. So that's what I've been trying to do. My husband bought me a pedometer today!! So excited can't wait to walk tomorrow and see how it tracks. It is suppose to track my calories burned, time, how many steps etc. So that will be interesting.

Looking forward to this upcoming week. On Thursday my husband and I are going to the coast for our anniversary!! Can't wait, it's been a long time since we have taken a vacation and being alone. Gonna miss our daughter but I think it will be a nice break for everyone!!

Well hope you have a great weekend!!

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Am I the only one that has troubles thinking of title's for their posts?

So my knee is still hurting pretty bad. It hurts to bend it, keep it straight, I've been up the last few nights because it hurts so bad. I keep telling myself that it's just sore, but I started to cry while driving yesterday because I was getting pains all the way down my leg. Pretty sure it's more than just sore. So I have decided to continue to walk everyday, but hold off on the running for now. I'm thinking maybe it's just too much weight for my joints to handle right now. I don't know just a guess.

So this week has been going really good. I have made really good food choices, been staying active, and writing down everything that goes in my mouth. I am loving counting calories. I never realized how many calories fruit as in it. I know they are good calories but I was still surprised.

How has your week been going? It's almost the weekend!!!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Drumroll Please

Weigh in: 255.4 -1.8
That means since February 1st I have lost 9.5 lbs. I'm so happy with that!! I have slowly changed my eating habits, but have still let myself splurge!!

I mentioned yesterday that my knees are really hurting me. Well, I was up a lot last night because the pain in my right knee was so bad. I thought maybe if I stretched it and walked around today that it would maybe loosen up, boy was I wrong. It hurts so bad right now. I'm really discouraged because I really want to be able to run, but it hurts so bad today I don't know how I'm gonna be able too.

Today is my rest day before I start week 2 of c25k tomorrow so I'm gonna do lots of icing and elevating and hopefully it starts feeling better. I thought about putting a brace on but I'm afraid that is just gonna make it weaker.

Okay I'm done whining!! The sun is shining and honestly I love it!! Those of you that know me are probably thinking Ive gone mad!! I absolutely love the rain, but it's nice to hear the birds chirping in the morning, opening the blinds and having the sun shining in!! Everybody seems to be so much happier when the sun is shining!!

Well have a great Tuesday everyone!! Hope you have a wonderful day and eat lots of good stuff!!

Monday, March 7, 2011


Since Friday my life has been crazy. I got called for an interview at 3:30 and I had to be there by 4. So wasn't ready for that. Then on Saturday we went out to dinner for my friends 30th birthday!! I was so proud of myself. My husband "coach" and I went for my walk/jog before dinner and I made pretty good choices. I had the steam veggies for my side dish and for the dinner salad I had dressing on the side, no cheese or bacon on the salad. YAY me!! Just a month or so ago I would have had the loaded garlic mashed potatoes and had them load my salad with cheese, bacon and dressing! It's amazing how my mind has started to switch in just a month. BUT, I had 2 yes 2 drinks. :( But, I never drink so I thought it was okay.

On Sunday my church celebrated it's 5th anniversary!! So there was a potluck after church. I got lots of veggies and fruit and felt satisfied until I saw the CHOCOLATE CAKE my worse/favorite thing oh and white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. I knew if I didn't at least taste them I would go home and binge. I took 3 bites of the cake and threw it out, but I did finish the cookie. And yes it was worth it!!! So good!!

Today I got called for a different interview and after that we went to Costco. Did really good there, didn't by any sweets or anything!! When we got home we went for the final day of week one!! I have to admit that day 3 was harder than day 2 and day 2 was harder than day 1. I felt like I was barely moving today and my knees (especially my right one) are killing me. I can barely move. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if my fat is just to much for my joints to handle. My husband said that my running time is speeding up, I think he's just trying to make me feel good about myself.

How was your weekend? Hope you have a great week and tomorrow is my weigh-in!! We will see how the first week of counting calories went!!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Just checking in!!

Just wanted to say happy TGIF!! It's been a good day. I went to bible study this morning then took my daughter to lunch. Had Subway!! I was super proud of myself I had it without cheese and mayo!! We had water, too!! Then we went dress shopping. Erin has decided that she only wants to wear dresses. Well that's fine and all but she only has 3 dresses!! Found her a really cute one at Ross for only $8.99!! Now we are getting ready to go play up in the snow!!

Hope you have a great Friday and weekend!! Got anything planned? We are going out tomorrow night for my friends 30th so we will see how my weigh-in goes on Tuesday!!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

I did it!!

Yesterday was day 1 of the from the couch to 5k program for me!! I actually was able to to do the running!! I took my daughter, my husband and my dog along with me and let me tell you that will not happen again. My daughter enjoyed running with me but she didn't want to run the full minute so thankfully my husband would stay with her. Our dog is an old man so at one point he actually just sat down and refused to move. I just continued on and let my husband deal with that. I know how mean of me but I needed to focus on the walking/running!!
                                           This is me after my walk/run!!

When I got home I felt so good!! I hear everyone talking about how good they feel after exercising and thought they were crazy, but I actually felt good. I know it's just the beginning but I'm looking forward to tomorrow when I can do it again. Just Tuesday of this week I would have never said I was looking forward to exercising!!

I have been doing really good with counting calories!! I really think this is the change that I needed. I love tracking my calories and totaling them at the end of the day and seeing that I'm staying within my range. I haven't felt deprived at all in fact I at homemade lasagna last night and was still in my range!! I feel as though I have a new lease on life and it's gonna be a good life!!

Have you done anything new? What is your exercise plan?

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Check out this blog!

 Please check this blog out!! She is having an awesome giveaway this month!!  I would love to win these and what the company does is amazing!!

This is for me

Day one of counting calories done!! It went really good except I only ate about 800 calories. When I entered all my information on SparkPeople I got a message saying I need to eat more. I had to go grocery shopping after my daughter got out of school and by the time we got home it would only be a couple of hours before my husband got home. He has a evening class so we have to eat dinner before he goes to school. So I didn't want to make a lunch since I would be eating soon, so I made a smoothie. It was good but not a lot of calories :) We had turkey,bacon, avocado wraps. They were really good and I didn't deprive myself. I had 3, yes 3 pieces of bacon!!
I did really good yesterday with drinking my 8 glasses of water and getting my fruit and veggies in too!! So all in all I am proud of myself. Today I'm starting my new exercise program so we will see how that goes.
I had an epiphany today while I was vaccuming. I am working really hard on getting my weight and body healthy, but what about my inward self? I don't think I can do one without the other. I need to start working on my relationship with my husband and my daughter. I need to be a better housewife and just be more caring of myself. My husband is a full-time student and I shouldn't expect him to do everything around the house and not do anything. I have major depression but I have to stop using that as a crutch. If I'm gonna be home all day there is no reason why I can't clean, take care of my daughter etc. So that is my new goal, just to better myself in all areas not just one!!
Happy Wednesday!! Hope you have a good day !!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Decision

Today I weighed in and didn't move at all. I'm okay with that though. We had pizza last night for dinner so it's okay.

So I have come to a decision on what path I'm gonna take. I'm gonna start counting calories. I've decided this is a better choice for me. I think this will help change my lifestyle rather than just lose weight and then still not know how to eat properly. Thanks to Becca for telling me about sparkpeople! I'm gonna start tracking my calories and exercise using that site, but I'm also going to continue using my journal.

I also want to give a shout out to Meagan for suggesting the couch to 5k plan!! I'm excited to get going on this!! Can't wait for the day when I start looking forward to running!! The plan seems like it's gonna work and it's great for people who are just starting on this journey.

So thanks everyone for your comments and encouraging me on this journey!! Wish me luck I'm going grocery shopping hopefully I can make good choices! Happy Tuesday everyone!!